Quiz & Quill

Out and below the shallow, coastal shores of the ocean, lies a cornucopia of colorful organisms that live and play within the flowing, salted realm. The epipelagic and mesope- lagic zone are home to a colorful cast of all sorts of charac- ters, reaching a diversity of millions upon millions of different types of species. It is no wonder that such a vibrant, yet sultry environment is a popular area of study for many people.
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But that’s not what I like about the ocean.
I’m warning you. Should you scroll deeper into the depths of this piece, you will stray further from the shining light of the sun; if you are not plankton, then take my hand and face the darkness.
Below the mesopelagic zone lies the midnight zone: more than one thousand meters below sea level that is in an environment coated in darkness and strange creatures.
I’m sure you’ve heard of some of them: the anglerfish and its bioluminescent lure, the small and web-armed vampire squid, the menacing and voracious sperm whale—number one enemy to giant squids—or perhaps the cartoonishly shaped blobfish.
But think for a moment of what has not been explored. The midnight zone is a dangerous place, you know. It’s pitch black and has enough pressure to squash you. It takes a lot of
This room looks empty from up here; all of my belongings are shoved into the
bare bottom bunk to keep you from sitting on the mattress and asking me how
I’m doing. I know from the years of you being my mother that your gentle first
question is only a precursor to the answers you seek and the truth you will even-
tually yank out from the cavity of my chest.

time and resources to explore such a realm.
Imagine just for a moment. Just for a moment. Of what else could be down in the depths.
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The fear of the unknown is fascinating. Who doesn’t love a good mystery? Within the blinding darkness of a space could lie a figure beyond your worldly comprehension. Perhaps such a situation may strike your primal fears in the wrong way, but consider also your intellectual instincts to better understand something that you don’t.
A lopsided structure buried within the encompassing sands, aquatic algae covering the delicate stone; a thousand stories being told by its mere existence.
A sea creature so large and encompassing that you are enveloped by its overwhelming presence, the beast knowing that you are just a mere flesh bag within its grandiose realm.
A collection of bioluminescence coalescing together to make an organic laser light show, only to suddenly wrap around an unsuspecting fish and strangle it whole.
The beauty of the ocean is that we’re able to compre- hend its bright and colorful world.
But the beauty of the deep ocean is the pure imagina- tion that we can draw from it. How we can only guess at what else is within it. How, one day, we may find something mar- velous.

—

Surrounded by a blinding darkness, forced to lie in frozen time, pressure so intense that your bare flesh would be pulverized in an instant, leaving no trace of a human behind.

But when you spend a lifetime in the darkness, it re- mains the only substance that will ever be familiar, a painful reminder of existence.

My experience with depression can be best equated with the existence of the flabby whale fish. It lives at oceanic depths as deep as 4,000 meters, moves in slow motion, and has a grotesque, scary appearance in its larval form. To this end, I urge you, reader, to find a picture of its larval form.

I remember when my doctor first recommended me to take antidepressants; a bioluminescent being reached out its glowing appendage, enticing me to go to a brighter place. But when you see bioluminescence, there is always the chance of something sinister lying in wait behind it.

My doctor prescribed me these medicines, but I was afraid to take them. The abyssopelagic zone had grown home- ly to me, even if I knew of its faults. I relied on the obscuring darkness, preventing anyone from finding me without sus- tained effort. I depended on my slowed movement, as mov- ing in such a dark and empty space would cost me precious seconds of energy.

The pressure of my environment was crushing, so much so that I imagined that one day, I would be crushed into a fine red mist. I was okay with this idea, though, because that meant that nobody would find me. Nobody would have to worry about me. Nobody would have to care about me.

Exactly like how I would have wanted.

—

But the thing about the flabby whale fish is that they too, have a desire to live; to one day lead a prosperous life, developing from the horrid, spindly larval form into a great, fully- fledged fish.

When you see bioluminescence, there is always the chance of something sinister lying in wait behind it.

Sometimes though, you must follow the light in order to survive.

—
July 16, 2024: I swallowed my first antidepressant.

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The challenger deep lies at an estimated depth of 10,935 meters below sea level. The pressure within the bot- tom of Lady Mariana’s abyss is 1,100 times greater than sea level. That level of pressure is...

Like being crushed under the weight of Mt. Everest. Enough force to crush a car into the size of a suitcase. Enough to completely atomize a human being.

Throughout history, more people have been to the moon than to the challenger deep. At a glance, such an envi- ronment would be one of, if not the most uninhabitable spaces on the planet.

—

But the thing about life is that, no matter where you are, no matter how much of a prehistoric exoskeleton your isopod flesh has developed, and no matter how much hydro- thermal chemical soup you need to drink, there will always be others there around you.

We may see these bottom feeders as loners only fit to live at the bottom of the sea.

But think for a moment when you, yourself, have been at the bottom of your own sea.

There was always another person there to help you out. Your Xenophyophores family.
Your Hirondellea gigas friends.
Or even your Bathynomus giganteus significant other.

No matter how slow you move, no matter what shape you take, no matter what you have to do to live, there are oth- er bottom feeders there to brave the pressure with you.